In a surprise arrest, a pawpular Unipurrsity of Meowmi student was detained after biting the absolute fuck out of five firefighters who were trying to assist her after she found herself trapped inside the dashboard of a slobbering idiot moron bitch who doesn’t understand how to handle cats after bragging that she had been in the cat rescue business for forty fucking years.
Danger Mochi Loafington was arrested and brought to the Meowmi County jail after chomping the fuck out of five scary ass firefighters who were tearing the dashboard apart to try to get Miss Loafington out of the car after she escaped from her carrier in what admirers are calling a bold and impressive attempt.
Eyewitnesses say she gave plenty of warning before biting the shit out of them, and most of the public seem to have a favorable view of Miss Loafington’s actions.
“This is a stand your dashboard state,” one member of the public shared. “She should have bitten that dumb old bitch, too.”
Still, others are quick to point out her ties to the criminal underworld.
“She’s part of that Danger Bakery, and they’re never up to no good. I heard her older brother was still in the slammer for silvervine and nip distribution,” a random passerby opined.
Shortly after saying that, a mysterious group of four cats dragged that individual away and they were never heard from again. This news agency does not share the views of the individual mentioned above, and fully supports Miss Loafington’s swift release from holding.
Miss Loafington is facing five counts of aggravated assault and cattery as well as five counts of assault with a deadly mitten, with intent to kill.