A 1-year-old 7’6″ Fort Myers tabby was arrested after Lee County deputies say they found [absolutely fucking] massive amounts of silvervine and catnip in his home.
Dangerous “Puff” Loafington faces more than a dozen charges including five counts of silvervine trafficking 28 grams or more, four counts of catnip trafficking 28 grams or more and one count of trafficking catnip 200 grams or more, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office.
The months-long investigation led to the seizure of 742.5 grams of silvervine, the powerful natural catadelic that’s said to be 80-100 times stronger than catnip, 65 oxyCatone pills, and narcotic paraphernalia, the sheriff’s office said.
Detectives also found:
- Cocaine, 155 grams
- 153 vape cartridges, 1,710 grams
- 41 THC cigarettes, 392 grams
- Nearly 7.5 pounds of raw marijuana
However, the police department does not plan to pursue criminal charges for these smaller offenses.
“The real crime is that [this motherfucker] is really out here, sitting on a stash of [dank ass] catkush and he just told my homie last week that he didn’t have any. I’m calling bullshit,” lead detective Bento, a renowned tabby officer on the force, had to say.
“Silvervine and Catnip? Just last week he asked me to smoke him out.” Sheriff Butt-Butt said, putting out a fat ass joint that he’d rolled after arriving at the crime scene.
Loafington was taken into custody and booked into the Lee County jail, where he will await trial by jury.