The Danger Bakery School of Loafcraft and Tomcattery opened earlier this year to record-breaking success. Parents were clamoring to enroll their little good-for-nothings in the school headed by the illustrious, world-famous Dangerloaf and Dangerpuff.
Now, less than half a year later, they’ve announced plans to open a new House to keep up with demand. The new House of Cookie will be for the quieter miscreants and ne’er-do-wells at the school. Before now, the school focused more heavily on more socialized cats and kittens, but an increasing number of parents pleaded for a house for their little nerds to come hang out with the cool kids, and the school finally caved.
House of Cookie will be led by the famous Danger Fortune Cookie himself. Danger Fortune Cookie — so named because he’s one lucky son of a bitch — recently came to the Danger Bakery seeking asylum from the hot streets of West Paw-m Beach.
He was found lost less than a mile from his former house. The Danger Bakery tried to contact the owner via various means, including direct message on Facebook where his loss was announced, and through the local shelter, who called and sent letters. It appears his owner is even dumber than he is, because she never responded after over a month, so we stole him fair and square and he’s ours now. Eat shit, lady.
“We at the School recognize that some of the shittiest cats come from one-cat homes who prefer to conduct their evil experiments and shenanigans away from prying eyes,” stated Dangerpuff at the press conference. “The House of Cookie–shitty as it is–will be there to welcome the dumbest and most socially-inept cats into our hallowed academy.”
The dormitory for the new House of Cookie will be on the bed, with the common room being directly upon the humans’ necks. This allows the new dorks to be away from the much cooler cats who will all inevitably bully the poor dweebs.
The school reports that all current students are eligible to be reassigned to the new house if they so desire, but will need to take the new Sorting Assessment.
Wondering if you’ve finally been pulled from the wait list? Check for your acceptance letter here.