We’re excited to announce a partnership between the Danger Bakery and the elite airline company–Stealthcat Airlines!
As seven-time winner of the coveted ‘companies we can’t understand how the fuck they make money but it seems to be working’ award, Stealthcat Airlines puts cats-tumers first. Everything from their self-sanitizing catplane models to complimentary catnip wine for every passenger over two years old is done with their clients’ satisfaction in mind.
For many years it has been a subject of intense debate how the highly mysterious Fur-tune 500 company ever sold tickets. Was it a referral-only process ? Was it all just a figment of a meth-fueled Florida Man(TM)’s dream?
Wonder no longer. Now, you can buy tickets online just like any other peasant flight service, exclusively via The Danger Bakery! They’re currently offering non-stop flights twice a day to such fabulous and exotic destinations as The Porch and Thomasville, GA. The schedule, as well as every other aspect of the flight and company, is subject to the whims of a lazy and spoiled housecat with silly paws and toe fur that is too long. As a result, customers will need to be flexible in their travel plans if they choose to fly with Stealthcat Airlines, but the loyal fanbase insists it is worth it.
“I’ve tried other airlines that won’t be named, and while I may get there sometime within a 24 hour period of the initial planned flight, I also get beaten and called racial slurs, so choosing to fly on a housecat instead of inside a tin can seems like the natural choice. Not to mention, they stock Temptations on board, unlike some other cheap ass airlines that only provide pretzels or worse yet, peanuts. I’m talking like a FULL PACK of Temptations, here. And nothing beats a nice metal bowl of fluoride water to refresh you on those longer flights.” Raved one local.
Others have been more skeptical. “At first, I thought they might just be photoshopping faces of cats onto planes, but when I saw that they were selling tickets online, I knew that that was what was going on, and this is a total scam. Regardless, I did score a free flight because I do have a loach, and I have to say, 10/10.”
Currently, the airline is offering a promotion waiving a passenger’s first human fee (a hefty 150-tube-treat charge one-way per human) through the end of the year. They confirmed that they will also be bringing back their ‘passengers with loaches fly free‘ deal that has been credited for their meteoric rise to fame.
Don’t wait! Grab your tickets today!