Good evening to all the loyal readers of the Puffington Post–I’m flattered by the invitation from the eponymous Sir Puffington himself.
I’m here today to voice the thoughts that have been reverberating through the feline community. Concerns that have been raised time and time again, with insufficient response.
What happened to LAPS?
I do not speak, dear reader, of the fleshy thighs and uncovered–EXPOSED, even–skin of the current day. Such unpleasant experiences barely qualify as the time of laps. I speak of the good old laps of yesteryear, properly encased in fabric and topped with a sturdy blanket for good measure.
Kittens these days don’t even have the CHANCE to experience such comfort and stability when they begin to dabble in laptime. Truly good laps are now so few and far in between. Speaking as a member of rapidly-expanding legion of senior cats, my ankles long for the days of solid, well-covered laps. This is an issue that encompasses not only enjoyment but also the safety of our community.
As the temperatures drop and my need to warm my beans increases, I will reluctantly and with grave disapproval concede to perch myself on ONE leg of the lap. But only under duress, and only after much testing. One cannot stay warm on principles alone, after all.
And as I clamber on (my ankles trembling for dear life)– I will think wistfully of that perfect, bygone, lap.