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Twitpurr competitor, ‘Yarns,’ released; catfight between two meowllionaires ensues

The rivalry between Elong Tail and Mark Zuckerpurr is no secret, and things have only been heating up since the South Pawfrican Meowllionaire (which is like twenty million times a billionaire) took over Twitpurr, a leading social meowdia platform.

Elong Tail, the controversial meowllionaire who has single-pawedly ruined everyone’s fucking day on twitpurr.

Among scandals, poor spending and a careless paw swipe across the counter of layoffs, Twitpurr has been suffering enormous losses, and competitors are angling to fill the vacuum that it’s left behind (after all, who likes vacuums? — HISSSSS).

Mark Zuckerpurr, creator of Faceboop and known Mew-Jitsu champion, ready to throw paws

Mark Zuckerpurr, the creator of Faceboop, was the first to pounce on this opportunity, releasing Catstagram’s version of Twitpurr, Yarns, just last month. The new text-based app had over 100 meowllion new users sign up within the first week of release, something that clearly has Tail’s hackles up. Tail even went so far as to challenge Zuckerpurr to a cage match at the famous UFC (Ultimate Feline Championship) Box in Claws Vegas. He has yet to commit to a final date for the proposed Mew-jitsu match despite Zuckerpurr immediately accepting the invitation to duel.

Of course, the new social meowdia site has its own set of hurdles to leap over, tail held high, on its way to bloody victory. Many new mew-sers are already disgruntled at such limitations as a lack of a fully functional desktop version or the inability to post extremely offensive and hateful content.

“I just wish I could virtually swipe things off of other mew-sers’ counters,” said one mew-ser who clearly does not understand how the internet works.

“I wish there was a way for me to hear their voices in real time and they could hear mine at the same time,” said another who has never fucking heard of a phone.

With both sites facing their own set of challenges, it is unclear who will ultimately emerge victorious, but one thing is for sure–our cousin got us some tickets for the cage match on the cheap, and we are willing to sell them to you.

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