Danger Bakery

A fine baked goods establishment yowling for your attention since 2021

Enjoy your dream vacation at Loafy Luxury Resort

A family owned company, with the vision of promoting top of the line touristic accommodations throughout south Florida. Our world is your playground at the Loafy Luxury Resort. There is a wide range of very exotic places, such as the living room, loach lagoon, bedside bay, kitchen cove, pantry jungle, bathroom beach, and more!

Bathroom Beach

Dig your paws into the warm, platinum sands of bathroom beach while you yowl for no god damn reason at all. Enjoy scratching the the plastic siding of your deluxe-sized litter box for twenty fucking minutes until the staff yells at you to fuck off.

Bathroom beach, the litter box for miles
This is what the beach probably looks like.

Pantry Jungle

Go out on one of our safari rides to the pantry jungle where you can attempt to break into the native wet food supplies and treat bins. Watch out for falling chip bags!

A guest gets decked out in some dope ass safari gear.

Loach Lagoon

Loach Lagoon is a fantastic place to go loach-watching. Bring your family and have hours of fun spastically attacking the water and giving yourself a concussion each time you spot a loach (it’s always there).

A guest speaking to the loach tank

Historic Sewing Board

Loafy Luxury Resort is proud to host one of the most revered sites of historical relevance to the art of seamstressing and sewing. For millenia, this sewing board has been used to create the garments of all humans. Guests will be able to immensely enjoy the precious sewing board in its newly bastardized form as either a bed or a launching pad towards your favorite arch nemesis loaf / loach.

A sewing board, obviously. With a cat.
Guests are advised to place all their weight to one side of the historic board.

Bedside Bay

Bedside bay is the perfect spot to get away from it all. Your personal attendant will see to it that the shelf is covered in plush fleece fabric and blankets while you sprawl out in the hot Florida sun and judge the peasants beneath you.

A loaf enjoying the Kallex, highly recommended for cat lovers.
Sprawl out your beans and relax at Bedside Bay.

Porch Botanical Gardens

“I love the trendy new geothermal bath at the porch botanical gardens! My favorite one comes with this beautiful onion comforter. Though you can choose grass or drying swimsuit or cactus too.”

A guest enjoying the porch botanical gardens
Complimentary cat grass is available for all guests at the gardens.

Location, Location, Location!

The Loafy Luxury Resort is located nearby a variety of local attractions such as a loaf house, technology center, and the beautiful city of Meowmi, Florida. So even if you’ve managed to exhaust yourself of our amenities, you can still get away from it all!

Our guests love the nearby house and accompanying technology center. You will too!

Loafy Luxury Condos

Book Accommodations Today!

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